it’s better to restate the question in your own way than to just repeat the GED question. In the introduction, you make your main point, that bad adult behavior comes from bad childhood behavior. You list a number of bad child behaviors, but then you don’t really follow through with them in the rest of the essay (and at least one of them doesn’t really become a bad adult behavior, so it doesn’t apply very well to the essay… It might be better to have just one or two bad childhood behaviors and explain how they start and how they become bad adult behaviors.
The middle paragraphs talk about how children learn bad (and good) behaviors from adults, but it doesn’t really relate it back to the main idea…
Did adults’ good advice stop you from developing behavior that would hurt you as an adult? I think the idea for the conclusion is good, but that it could be more clearly stated.
The details that you give in the essay are specific bad things children might do, and the story from your own life about burning your hand.
You can talk about how that behavior starts, grows, and becomes bad adult behavior…
a child sees a parent drinking, wants to try alcohol, and then when they’re an adult they become an alcoholic.
You say that it starts in childhood and that the behavior continues to adulthood, and then you tell how you think children get into bad behaviors.
I wonder, though, if you could take one specific example and follow it through from beginning to end?
One thing that’s good is that you use an example from your life. But it needs to be better connected to your main idea.
Could burning your hand have become bad adult behavior? to pay attention to children to stop them from developing bad behavior that will follow them into adulthood.